Radical Middle-of-the-Road Arise!
I am really tired of the national agenda and the national debate being seized by the lunatic fringe.
I live in a “blue” state. This means that I am a communist-leaning unreconstructed hippie liberal who wants to destroy all trace of God in our nation while rounding up all of the pregnant women and tearing the unborn children from their wombs (presumably with a partial-birth abortion.) I want to dismantle the armed forces, forcibly remove and destroy all privately owned firearms, and freely distribute narcotics, pornography, and condoms to all preschool children.
I am a Christian. This means that I am a registered Republican (just like God.) I want our legislature to outlaw abortion, birth control, homosexuality, and evolution. Intelligent design will be taught in our schools, and all godless content will be expunged. Schoolchildren will be required to pray daily and marksmanship will be a required course. This is what Jesus would want.
I am a scientist. This means that I am a secular humanist, an atheist, and want to destroy all reference to God and faith in society. All churches will be compelled to teach Darwin from the pulpits, and heterosexual marriage will be banned.
At least, that’s what people keep telling me.
It occurs to me that most of us, the normal people in America, are not that radical. We want pretty much the same thing. We want a nice home, a decent job, and a bit of protection from our government. There are a lot of things we disagree on, but generally we get along. This is because we have learned how to compromise.
Compromise: according to the lunatic radicals, that means failure. The uncompromising man of principle is to be admired, and the weakling who compromised our precious ideals is to be detested. What a load of crap! Compromise is the American way! It means that you don’t get every little thing you want, but neither does the other guy. You get something, and he gets something. It’s a peaceful and honorable way for reasonable people to solve disagreements.
An “uncompromising” individual should be labeled just what he really is: stubborn. He is like a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum because he wanted daddy to bring him a glass of water from the kitchen, not from the bathroom. He should have been soundly spanked when young and taught that such behavior is quite unacceptable in polite society.
Unfortunately, our society has become far too tolerant of petulant children throwing temper tantrums, regardless of their chronological age. We reward the bleating talk-show host who pisses and moans about how the world sucks because it does not conform to his own personal vision. We give unending coverage to nuts that set up picket lines protesting the War in Iraq and Roe vs. Wade every time a new McDonald’s opens.
It is long past time we said enough is enough! It is time to make clear to these nuts that we will no longer tolerate their childish antics. It’s a damn shame that you can’t handle snakes or chant in tongues in the public school! Tough shit! It’s a damn shame you can’t fire up a doobie in the park or burn the flag whenever you like. Boo, hoo, you’re breaking my heart! Suck it up and take it like a man! You will NOT get everything you want handed to you on a silver platter. Your rights end where my nose begins! Grow up and do something useful like the rest of us!
The Shot Heard Round The World
By now (unless you have been living in a fallout shelter on a deserted island) you have heard the news about Dick Cheney’s hunting accident. Basically he shot Harry Whittington, an associate and hunting buddy, in the face. Just about everybody figures it was a tragic accident. The controversy is in the fact that he didn’t release the news for about 36 hours.
The press is salivating. What’s he got to hide?
Personally, I think this is all a cover-up for the real secret, the one-pellet theory! I mean, who knew Cheney bought his ammo from Arlen Specter?
